i continually start and end this story all the time.
i have found it easiest to relate to myself like a journey with many vistas. This is just part of the landscape.
I was transfused with blood containing the Hepatitis C virus as a struggling, premature newborn.
In some ways, I am thankful, since this blood saved my life. In most ways, I'd like to say, "Fuck You", to whomever donated a pint of lifelong worry to my tiny little body. One of my clients, who is also infected with the virus, related his story of woe during a session months back. He remembered selling his blood for drug money numerous times in the late 1970's, as it was the fad amongst down and out addicts. It was while listening to his story that i wondered if perhaps we had more in common than i had originally thought. Like, exactly the same blood. the same bugs. the same eventual story.
I later realized that i was being naive. I don't have to be a victim, although, it is easier at times. i also don't have an Everest of guilt on my shoulders, thinking about who i could have ruined because of my own self-inflicted ruining. He has taken great interest in the progress of my health and it's nice to have an ally.
I was spared the experience of growing up sick and instead i grew up special. "You were worth your weight in gold.", " You survived five cardiac arrests.", "You have strawberry hair and blueberry eyes." "You were voted 'Most Unique' in high school (aka: biggest freak show)".
Granted, i fell asleep on the bus so many times that the school called DHS on my parents, insisting that they were keeping me up at night and not letting me sleep. Or, perhaps i was being attacked constantly inside my body and nobody knew it.
I was always tired, lacked drive for the "supposed to's", got acne that no child should have at 11 years old, and had mysterious joint pain throughout puberty.
I had always wondered about these pieces of my life. How they seemed out of the ordinary, but not SO out of the ordinary that i couldn't pass as normal. I would later get all the information i needed.
It was after a slew of blood tests following my return from a year in South America that we began to learn of the real mastermind behind these symptoms.
I was 19. I was told that i was sick and that i should probably start the protocol used by the mainstream medical world if i wanted to survive. Also, that protocol, could kill me.
I promptly fired my Gastroenterologist and started to get mad.
I felt as fine as i ever had. Certainly not critical. I was a kid and wanted to stay that way. Invincible and Optimistic, free from the cycle of loss that is inevitable and at times, comforting.
I have had many professionals and healers in my path. Medicine Men who drank black coffee, smoked American Spirits, and ate steak ,so rare, i wanted to check for a pulse. Foulmouthed Russian Chiropractors who spoke to spirits in the room while i lay there naked, holding copper rods whose job was the inflict mass genocide on 'the bitches'- more commonly known as cancer, viruses, or bacteria. MD's who listened, and those who did not. ND's who finally got to the bottom of things at financial costs i couldn't bear. and there i was, in the middle. slowly gathering information, getting tired of it, being surprised by it, resenting that i know anything about any of it. Most of the time just wishing i was ignorant. that i could just pretend it didn't exist.
I did that for a while. It was the happiest i've ever been.
It also landed me with blood levels 20 times higher than they are ever supposed to be.
so. i needed a plan.
In 2008, i found a fabulous Naturopath. He has been helpful and generous and human.
When things were good, taking my levels to a mere 10 times the reference range, he seemed unimpressed, wanting me to be better than fair to severe. We took a summer of 3 day work weeks and IV's on Monday mornings and Thursdays. i had track marks, was rather poor, but hopeful. All of this through the donated funds of family, friends, and strangers (thank you).
At the end of the summer, my levels had decreased to 8 times the reference range. Still unimpressed, we tried to think of what else to do. This was clearly not sustainable. Kind of a test really, to see if it would work at all and how well.
I decided to work as much as i could to gain funds. i felt fueled by what i considered phenomenal news. Usually my levels just kept going up or staying the same, HIGH.
So i did just that. and one day, i decided that i wanted to do something big. Something i deserved and resonated with. Through research and coincidence, we have landed here. In this big spot. Ready to set out come January 13th. Off to Arizona, where my Mommy will administer various elixirs into my central line that is going in to my arm on the 11th. i will become friendly with Green Juice and tubes in all sort of places for 3 weeks' time.
I am excited and afraid. I am grateful and astonished. I am doing my best and rising into the life that i have fought, since birth, so hard to keep.
Many thanks to all of you.
My mother, for going above and beyond and defining sacrifice.
My partner, for being positive and supportive and loving me so well.
My friends, for listening and getting things done.
If you choose to follow this, there will be uncensored information, so enter at your own risk.
Be Courageous.Let's do this.
x
