after the storm

It is finally sunny.
In the past week, we have received more rain here in Phoenix than the whole of last year. It has been declared a state of emergency, record rain and snowfall, flooding, 50 mph winds.
It just kind of felt like normal to me being from the Northeast, but it's totally not normal for the natives.
Let's see.
So, on the night of my second IV...this was Wednesday....i had an allergic reaction because of cross contamination of a large vial of ALA. Basically towards the end of the bag my eye started to itch and felt like i had something large in it. i rubbed it and blinked alot and finally checked it out, only to find it looked like an apricot. i could hardly open my right eye and my left eyelid was starting to swell. My mom gave me Benedryl and then offered me some shady steroids. I was sort of beside myself. i did not take the steroids, which she was happy for, and i ranted a bit in the kitchen about only drinking juice, getting a lot of IV's, having my eye be enormous, was i going to die, was this going to go away, - the whole lot.
She checked on me on the hour after i went into my drug induced sleep. It was better in the morning, but not all the way better. The right side of my face kind of looked like I'd been Avatared.
We then proceeded to leave 20 minutes late to get to my appointment, this is something i despise. It was fine when we got there, but it's not about it being fine. It's about being respectful, courteous, and realistic. Even when the Doctor or hairdresser or whomever isn't those things, i like to hold personal boundaries and goals. On the other hand, i am frequently late (5-10min) to things that don't have a specific start time. In summary, i was very annoyed and pissed off. I'm sure that those emotions run deeper than that immediate situation.
We got entrained, which was balancing and then headed off to the colonic therapist and the center. Dropped off one member of the crew at the colonic and sped off to the center to have to doctor check out my eye.
my drop in appointment consisted of him saying that it would go away and that it was ok that the blood work from our initial visit came back elevated, because that meant i had a lot of liver cells to shed.
PS: This to me is not helpful. I don't want things elevated. I just want them to be normal and healthy.
The reason he said this was all not only ok, but good, was that everything else looks perfect.
So,I've got that going for me.
Speeding back to the center i was on the verge of tears, but held back because of fear of damage to my swollen eye.
My second colonic was way more comfortable than the first and after drinking green juice and liquids for 5 days and having had a colonic 2 days prior, i was astonished by what STILL came out of my body. Seriously. And i have a healthy diet for the most part. i just can't imagine how that much crap (literally) can be stored in there.
I left feeling like a champ, having beaten my high score from the last visit.
My eye had returned to almost normal by the evening when we had more IV's and watched Bride Wars.
My Sweetie is back at home safely and i miss him. Or, i miss Us. It is a testament of strength and commitment to have him stick around for this kind of stuff. Cause we're young. There are a lot of people in this world. People that don't have what i was given.
It's just the facts. I know everyone has things that they go through. There are certain deal breakers that may even seem less important than the things we are willing and happy to put up with. Needless to say, i am so grateful for his continued support and love. It is invaluable.
Today we will get massages, plan things, re-pot plants, and put together a compost bin for my Mom and Doug. oh yeah, and drink copious amount of green juice. humph.
still. i am thankful that i get this choice. x

Treatment started

no need to be flashy. except for my turquoise leisure suit that i wear when possible during this process. We have all concurred, these suits make us feel like a team. They make the green juice more tolerable and add comfort to discomfort, making it all, almost normal.
This is day 4 of the juice feast...dreading more green juice, looking forward to all of the liquid treats. I never knew I'd enjoy miso soup this much. just the paste and hot water. no veggies. i wait for it. cling to it in my mind. knowing that it's available makes one more sip of kale-spinach-celery-cuke-lemon-apple juice a little more bearable. a little.
Yesterday i experienced my first colonic. Comical. Not horrible. Awkward. Informative.
I changed into a gown, got up on the table, turned to my side to welcome 'the speculum', and then turned on my back to start the process. This involves much talk about 'poo' and all things digestive. For your viewing pleasure, there is an educational poster right in front of you, of the colon and what it might look like if it is distorted or sick. This makes me want the return day after day to ward away the chance of this happening to me.
My colonic therapist explains the process and then starts the procedure.
First we fill the lower colon with warm water to relax it. This feels like warmth...with a tube in your ass.
Second we turn up the pressure to do 'fills'. This involves more water and pressure and abdominal massage and the climax of thinking that i am going to poop all over the table.
Apparently this is desired and that is when they decrease the water pressure and allow the 'release'.
At this point i was invited to turn my attention to the 'viewing tube'. Yes folks. the tube that all the poops floats by in. I decided to dive on in and check it out. It was totally gross, but i was slightly removed because it's through a machine and doesn't look connected to me at all. It felt like a video game with points and i wanted to win. The more poop, the more points.
We did more fills and at one point i kind of felt like something was wet where it shouldn't be.
As you can imagine, i was mildly horrified, imagining my own sewage seeping all over the table and my body.
She checked it out and confirmed that the tube had indeed dislodged and we'd have to re-insert.
REALLY?
Luckily, this happened during the filling part and there was only purified water leaking from the tube. THANK GOD.
So, i had the joy of turning over again and welcoming the speculum. What can i say, I've always enjoyed entertaining and consider myself a gracious hostess. She explained that is common and not to feel weird about it. ....OK.
In the end i feel like i got a pretty high score on this round and am somewhat inspired to return. I WILL return mostly because i HAVE to. twice a week. three times is best. but we just don't have time. Aw shucks.
This event is followed by running to the bathroom and 'releasing the rest' or 'shitting your brains out'. At least that's what it feels like. Because you have almost no control over what's happening.
Thankfully most of this process happened while hooked up to the machine. Other members of the team were not so fortunate.

After we were all finished, we returned a la casa and rested and laughed and tried to take our minds off the experience.
Later we were hooked up to multiple IV's as we relaxed in recliners, kombucha in hand, and watched a mediocre chick flick.

So it has begun folks. Really begun.
There has been more rain here in the last 3 days than in the whole of last year. there has also been sun and warmth. This will end soon and it is WAY better than blizzards and ice storms.
today there will be more IV's and other invasive procedures. we will make plans and cookbooks. run errands, assemble the compost bin, and whatever else we discover along the way.

i hope this finds you well and thankful.
xo
i miss my man terribly. or maybe i just appreciate him and look forward to the day when i don't feel like half robot and we can snuggle closely. That day is coming soon. :)but, I'm still sleeping in his t-shirt.

"This will cause you no discomfort.."

We are in Arizona! It's sunny and warm and has at times been relaxing, when remembering that i don't have work, it isn't cold, and soon i won't even have to worry about what to eat. The juice feast will start in 3 days... It's rather overwhelming.
I am wishing that my PICC line was actually causing me no discomfort, but it is. Pretty much all the time. It's not unbearable, it's just uncomfortable. It feels constantly 'there'. It's sore in strange places, uncomfortable to sleep on, my arm feels plain full. I think the thing i miss the most is the feeling of snuggling and connectedness with my Sweetie. Somehow, tubes and plastic make it less fulfilling and i feels exposed when my lumen are peeking out of my sleeve. i liken it having your penis pop through the front of your boxers. I don't have a penis, but i have witnessed this scene countless times.
So, as you can imagine, but have most likely not experienced, i am a bit resentful of the assurance from the medical professionals that 'this will cause me no discomfort' and 'will not impede me in anyway'. Because, it is doing both of those things. I would GREATLY appreciate the reality. What are the options. Tell me the truth so i will not be afraid when the truth happens.
This doesn't mean that i am not at the same time grateful for the opportunity and this inserted device that will make things FAR easier.
I saw the Doctor yesterday. He had been on the Master Cleanse for about 2 weeks. So along with being brilliant, he was also dispersed and prone to tangents. After charmingly escorting him back to task a couple of times, we have a more concrete care plan.
It's not that i don't find his intellect intriguing or his ideas profound, but really, i just want to get to it. I don't want to talk about it and theorize about culture and reason and evolution. I want to get it done. And i promise you, wholeheartedly, that i will be present and in the process, because it is my natural state. In fact, at times i wish for ignorance of the things i have spent years unfolding.
So, after a baseline blood draw and 200cc or half a pint of blood phlebotomized, i am tired and weak and a bit disappointed. Mostly that Seth and I aren't traversing a paradisaical beach in the organic spa magazine we browsed while waiting in line at the Health Food Store, and a little bit because i feel like part robot with these tubes hanging out of my bicep. So, i ate some food, opted out of the walk and social engagements, and am now going to take a nap and recoup.
This is by no means the most important thing ever or even right now, it's just what's happening to me and wanted you to know.

Picc-ture of Health

It's in. My Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter. It's brand name is Power Picc with a lightening bolt denoting the space between the words and perhaps implying that i may or may not become a superhero.

i arrived early like i was asked and waited while a nice young man, who was being trained, entered my info into the system. There was a lot of phone ringing and fluorescent lighting, niceties and badge wearing. Neatly gathered confusion. At least, to my eyes, those that crave beauty within function, and serenity within efficiency.

My over sized chair was ample and would have provided more support had i felt comfortable enough to sit all the way back in it, but with signs about H1N1 all over the place, i kept my hands in tight and tried to limit contact with most everything.

They called back to the CathLab a number of times and reported that they didn't know why there was a delay, but that i could head on back to the 'private' room, where i could wait in comfort with some stranger, one magazine, and plenty of unwashed armrests.

i waited anxiously for around 45 minutes, at which point i walked back to the front desk and asked if they'd heard anything about when i might be going in for my very brief procedure.

Miraculously they had just called and Dan the 75 year old volunteer in a fuchsia button down escorted me all the way. i mean all the way, back into the exam room where i was definitely not supposed to be. They smiled and led me out to the 'waiting area'. Moments later they came and got me.

I found myself surprised at the enormous, machine filled, FREEZING cold room i was undressing in. Assuredly not what i was expecting. The nurses Cathy and Pam were sweet and accommodating, they brought me warmed blankets and a Johnie to change into. I'm deciding it's Cathy with a C instead of Kathy with a K, because there was no name tag and she just looked softer.

I hopped up onto the narrow procedure table and got hooked up to a cuff, a lot of sticky pads with wires, and whatever they put on your finger tip - i think it takes measures your heart rate or temperature. There was beeping and some other technical noises.

One of my clients who is an RN came in and perplexed, asked me what i was doing there. i told her i was a thrill seeker. She laughed and came over with more blankets and quickly started asking me about the holidays and my boyfriend. This was more comforting than i would have thought. Then she brought out the CD folder and asked what I'd like to listen to. I declined Enya, Steely Dan, numerous Eagles, Vivaldi and the Four Seasons ( i used to do chores to that every Sunday), and finally settled on Bob Marley.

Warm, Islandy, and my brother's favorite music.

When i was having an acute anxiety attack during my separation from my ex-husband, my brother relayed to me that when he was feeling anxious he would listen to Bob Marley and he would always feel better. Cute, Sweet, and i still felt like i was going to vomit at the family reunion. I left promptly, excusing myself because i wasn't feeling well. I fled to my car and took some deep breaths. As i turned on the radio, and i never listen to the radio, i was warmly welcomed with Three Little Birds...'Don't worry about a thing, cuz every little thing is gonna be alright...' i think i teared up a bit, smiled, and then sped away. kismet.

So, there I was, ultrasounded, prepped with iodine, covered in papery prep towels, and strangely feeling OK while i sang along to many of reggae's greatest hits.

I had met the Doctor for 2 seconds while he found an accessible vein and now he was back, clad in scrubs and ready for business. He was very nice and relaxed, Ullman. He reminded me strongly of Jeffery Tambor. Also comforting. For some reason we all started talking about cruises, probably the soundtrack, and i felt tugging and more tugging and a huge X-ray machine zoomed over my head and chest, they told me not to breath or move.

I saw my ribs and my heart on the screen and the line that they had just inserted placed perfectly above my ticker. And then, it was over. 45 minutes.

They cleaned me up. Mostly.And i mean mostly. It seems like they prefer to not really clean up all the iodine. Which, frankly, annoys me. Instead of having a lovely purple picc line covered neatly with special dressings and such, i have that plus bright orange staining that looks like spilled cool-aid all over myself. It just wouldn't take much more effort to have it look nice. Maybe I'm being pretentious, but next visit, I'm asking for a thorough cleaning.

Pam and Cathy unstuck all the stickies, helped me up, and sent me away with all of the items i will need to ensure picc line well being.

My Dad and Step mom picked me up and drove me back home. My arm felt and still feels a little sore and strange, but just from the Novocaine wearing off and maybe the snaking of line through my vein.

We returned home and chatted a bit. Then, my landlord dropped by unannounced and frazzled, as they do and as they are. My guests left, i answered some questions and asked some and now all that's left to do is take a nap. Oh, and purchase leg warmers to be sure of fashion compliance and lumen protection.

So, here i go. nap time. enjoy my experiences, there may be pictures to come, so watch out!

x