Comfort Food

i am currently devouring a bowl of mushroom stroganoff atop fresh parsley and garlic pasta.

this is very good.

and very bad for me.

and I'm still eating it, relishing all the comfort and joy that it has to offer my mouth and my nose and my brain. the fullness i will hopefully soon feel.

making up for the fact that my sweetie is working late.

I'm sure i wouldn't have forgotten the fresh spinach had he been arriving soon. and probably there would be a great big hole in the space that the sour cream is taking up.

but c'est la vie.

it is mid January in New England. this is how i am compelled to operate.

i should really leave on vacation this time EVERY year.

it's cold and it's BEEN cold.

it's mostly gray.

there are dumb things like shoveling that take up my time and hurt my body.

i don't feel like leaving my house and being inside of it insists that be committed.

rock.

hard place.

the lame part is that if only my man was coming home to warm me up, i would behave differently.

not just because we could snug, but i receive warmth from his cute face. his messy hairdo. his loose work pants.

don't get me started on his cheeks and eyelashes.

he melts away the frozen coffin that encompasses my joie de vivre.

even if he himself feels taken over.

it's just better together.

a year ago i was in Arizona drinking Green Juice and receiving IV therapy.

My Mommy was taking care of me and wearing a matching leisure suit in solidarity.

Doug was alive and battling a disease that took his life in July.

Seth was getting ready to leave my side and visit Cale in Portland, OR.

Doesn't life look a lot different today.

one GREAT thing is that i don't have a PICC line dangling from my left bicep.

my body is healthier. (except for the stroganoff)

My mom still lives in AZ and is navigating unknown territory.

Doug has passed on.

Seth is working late.

He is also my FIANCE and we OWN A HOUSE!

Thankfully, this use of reflection helps me to remember that life just keeps going and changing and we do too.

Remembering that in times and climates like these can be a challenge for me.

Everything just seems embedded in ice.

not hatefully so, just matter of fact like.

PS. i have been wearing my blue leisure suit for almost a week straight and have almost no intention of ruining that streak.

let's hope for sun and the expedited arrival of Spring.

my skin is literally ACHING for sunlight.

God rest ye, merry gentlemen.

x