a change gonna come

i was just reflecting on my last couple of months and the changes that have occurred in my life and lifestyle.

the small differences that add up to an enormous re-routing of daily intentions.

the one that hit me in the cajones is this stark comparison.

i traded sex

for the home depot.

i used to instate what i fondly referred to as the 'Hump-Olympics'.

This happened most every weekend and was driven by going for the gold, just like the real Olympics.

Currently, I feel like a fallen hero.

a gold medalist who now sits around in sweatpants and 30 extra pounds, eating chips, and watching Entertainment Tonight.

(this is not true. it is also not FAR from the truth.)

My main concerns on the weekend are cleaning (steamy), cooking(hott), and making lists of things to do around the house (orgasmic).

i mean seriously folks, this is NOT me, nor does it 'bring out my eyes' because of it's secure fasten around my neck, like a dreaded turtle neck or....perhaps, noose.

that is to say, it is not becoming. flattering. well suiting.

mostly, i want to have adventures.

i want to wake up whenever and have sex, go have some coffee, play some music, have some sex. take a nap, eat yummy food that makes you fat, have sex, find some friends and have fun doing fun things. and in the end, snuggle into bed and have some more sex.

this is who i was. it is who i am.

it's just not what I'm doing.

this is troublesome to say the least.

mostly because the person i have described as my memory self or Tits McGee the Wonder girl, is fading fast under the piles of scrapeable wallpaper and window insulation kits.

It also happens to be freezing and this makes my entire self, ANGRY.

all sorts of it.

enraged.

irritated.

annoyed.

bored.

it also makes me plain cold.

and then i see things in a cold way and speak like icicles and window frost.

this is not really about sex or having it.

i could have it anytime.

It's the embodiment of it and the freedom of expression that i feel i am lacking and too tired to grasp for. the openness and levity.

my mind (most important sex organ) is muddied with all of this useful and on time information that i personally don't really care about.

i talk to people about this frequently and I've had the experience before.

I'm just rather intolerant of it when it's happening to me.

all i need is to change my perspective.

like maybe look at it all from ...Mexico. or perhaps Greece.

This, too, shall pass.

Warmth will return to my veins and my body will deem the environment safe for procreation.

Until then, i will wear extra layers and listen to more Al Green.