create/uncreate

well today started off the same as yesterday.

talking to the dog and preparing my coffee.

yesterday many awful dog things happened.

he got loose from his collar and lead, from sheer fear of construction equipment.

he then was covered in compost. (smart dog )

later he shat in his kennel, which was a first, and clearly not an act of rebellion, but a shameful and happily forgotten event by such a noble creature. (as told by his rigid attachment to the other side of his cage and the soft defeated ears, which matched his gaze)

i thought we had put all this behind us until later last night i entered our bedroom to find him DESTROYING our bed.

he had literally unmade the bed, shredded the bottom sheet and chewed through the tempurpedic mattress topper.

all within 7 minutes.

i mean.

seriously.

destroying.

for NO reason.

Luckily, we now know his reaction to Mommy being extremely and unforgivingly angry.

it was appropriate.

These were my FAVORITE sheets.

Le Telerie Toscane.

i got them on sale about 10 years ago, for $70.

Down from $250.

i just went for the color.

and maybe the opulent luxury.

Whichever it was, and it WAS the color, i have loved them ever since.

they were like new.

The ONLY plus is that these sheets were with me in my first marriage.

Maybe they needed to be destroyed before this true one happening in August.

hint hint: perfect wedding gift, new le telerie toscane sheets.

Also:

today, this morning, i have been feeling creative.

which can really be described better as destructive.

and then i thought,' are they the same? '

i want to mow my lawn, cultivate my garden, weed, clean, scrap off wallpaper.

all with creative energy.

Isn't something always destroyed before created?

aren't they symbiotic?

Isn't it like that every time?

birth.

death.

winter. spring. summer. fall.

canvas.

painting.

hair grows.

hair cut.

flower. fruit. seed. tree.

sheets.

no sheets.

There should be no unwanted judgment. creation doesn't require that.

i think only we require that for some sort of worth weighing game that we play.

i would like to invoke that space where i did not judge and therefore felt no judgement.

that is a place that i found freeing and pleasing.

like clouds passing over a sunlit field.

happy day, boys and girls, babes and elders.

All of you.

xo